Arguing over who would win in a made-up battle is a tradition among friends as old as time. Just recently, former NFL running back Arian Foster made headlines (and sparked countless debates) when he said he could beat a wolf in a fight. Could he? Who really knows (me: he couldn’t).
This fictitious fighting format isn’t new necessarily, however, it is unique in the podcast world. To the best of my knowledge, and a brief search, this is a one-of-a-kind podcast.
Recently, I got a chance to talk to My Thing Can Beat Your Thing, creators and co-hosts, Phil and Nick. As you can see from our Q&A, these two are extremely passionate about the bogus battle format and topics. They’re also hilarious. Check out their podcast when you get a chance, and read our interview below.
Discover Pods: First off, love the podcast idea. My friends and I used to bet beers on the Deadliest Warrior show on Spike, this just takes that to the next logical place. What are some of your favorite showdowns?
PHIL: We were the exact same way. Too many of our lunch breaks involved schoolyard-esque debates about what would win in a fight, but there was no satisfaction in not having a “winner.” So we resolved that in our own way. As far as our battles go, I’m partial to “the hearse vs the buffet.” It really showcases how bizarre we can be. Outside of us, I would love to see the movie Freddy v Jason against the movie Alien v Predator.
NICK: Out of our shows, I would have to say “the baby v the potato” fight that we did for the Comic Relief podcast will always hold a special place in my heart. We were doing something for a good cause, AND we got to see a baby transform into a tank do battle against a potato imbued with the powers of a Thunder God. Outside of our show, I’m a big fan of the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.
DP: How did your podcast get started?
NICK: I made a joke about starting a Dinosaur Fight Club podcast at a Super Bowl party at Phil’s house.
PHIL: It was almost like he was daring me not to do it. so if course, I had to.
NICK: Phil took it seriously. That’s the thing you can never anticipate with Phil, what he will and will not take seriously.
DP: NFL football player Arian Foster recently made headlines that he could beat a wolf in a fight. What does your simulation say about that?
PHIL: Arian Foster has had something like 12 injuries in only 6 years. While he is, at his peak, extremely fast and agile, I can’t see him fighting against a baby duck without hurting his groin for the 4th time. But, if we are arguing him at his prime, I see him with a moderate-to-high attack, low defense, and decent fighting skill. Maybe he lucks out and a blimp falls on the wolf?
NICK: I’m definitely putting my money on the wolf. I get that football players are burly and strong, but I doubt that Arian Foster can outsmart, outrun, or outmaneuver a wolf. The wolf has a high attack, mid to low defense, and a high fighting skill. The wolf would juke Arian and then just bite his head clean off his shoulders. Then of course he would do his super dope wolf touchdown dance where he does like a backflip and spikes Arian’s head onto the ground as he howls a glorious howl.
PHIL: That… sounds reasonable to me. Let me run them through the Simulation Station
SIMULATION STATION: Wolf attacks, a bite to the leg. 60 damage done. Arian Foster attacks, stick arm to the wolf’s face. 60 damage done Wolf attacks! A bite to the neck. A critical hit! 75 damage done! Arian Foster tries to attack, but he’s fading fast. He swings and he misses, no damage done. Wolf attacks with the killshot, biting his head clean off – just as predicted. Arian Foster dies, the wolf is victorious!
DP: Why did you choose a podcast over other mediums?
PHIL: Well, I used to make YouTube videos and I used to write, but I wanted that sweet, sweet middle ground of not being seen.
NICK: I listen to a ton of different podcasts and enjoy the medium. And, more than that, I love hearing myself talk
PHIL: Oh my god, shut up already.
DP: What’s unique about your podcast?
PHIL: I think we do what no other “debate style” podcasts can do. We provide an actual winner.
NICK: I feel like it’s the Simulation Station. We are on the forefront of technology. Everyone can debate a winner, but not everyone can simulate it.
PHIL: That’s true. We are the only people on the planet with this software. Can’t really get more unique than that. This thing actually simulates battle on its own.
NICK: We plug in the stats, and it just goes. We can simulate anything! We can watch two butts fight if we want to. Real Star Wars stuff.
DP: Is your technology able to simulate fictitious characters? We could finally get to the bottom of the Godzilla vs King Kong debate.
PHIL: It can do absolutely anything, that’s what is so great about it! Though, I don’t know that we need it. Godzilla all the way. But, since you asked, and we are in your house, Godzilla enters the fight with a high attack and defense, and a low range fighting skill. Godzilla can fire nuclear blasts from his mouth, and can take a full on assault from every army in the world at once. King Kong can be taken out by ticks.
NICK: Truly a classic. I’m all about King Kong. Gorilla’s are already strong and smart as it is (they can learn sign language dude), and they’re more jacked then the bro-est of bros. I’m saying high attack, mid-range defense, and mid-range skill – King Kong would just roll up to Godzilla and punch him in his stomach. While he was keeled over, Kong would push him over, call him a nerd, and then give him a swirly in the Atlantic Ocean.
PHIL: Yeah, a real smart monkey. Trying to drown a creature that lives underwater… Let me run them through the Simulation Station
SIMULATION STATION: Godzilla attacks with a vicious tail whip and does 50 damage. King Kong falls flat on his face, no damage done. Godzilla stomps on King Kong’s feet, pinning him down and doing another 50 damage. King Kong, with an uppercut from the ground, knocks Godzilla back and does 35 damage. Godzilla loses his balance and falls on his back, no damage done. King Kong gives Godzilla a kick in the ribs for an additional 35 damage. Godzilla fires a nuclear blast up at King Kong. The blast cuts through his skin and bones like a hot knife through butter, splitting him in half (vertically). Godzilla grabs King Kong’s two halves and ribbon dances with them to celebrate his victory!
DP: Why do your listeners keep coming back?
PHIL: We haven’t given them a reason not to…. yet.
NICK: For the smooth sounds of the 80s.
PHIL: I guess… we were both born in the 80s?
NICK: I wasn’t born in the–
PHIL: Shut up, Nick
NICK: Okay fine… for the battles?
PHIL: People want to know what’s coming up on the next episode. There’s no other show that can fight dinosaurs one week and household appliances next.
NICK: We offer our listeners a way to explore their animalistic nature. Outside of our podcast, there’s no legal way to watch a baby fight.
DP: Do your listeners offer suggestions for future battles?
PHIL: We would love that! We do our episodes in seasons. Currently we are battling dinosaurs, and we have some fun stuff coming up in Season 2, but we really want to do a Listener Submission season.
NICK: Agreed. This is something that Phil and I talked about a lot! We would love to get the listeners involved in as many ways as possible. All we need are suggestions (which people can send to us at MyThingCanBeatYourThing@Gmail.com). James sent us an email once, be cool like James
DP: What’s next?
NICK : Another episode.
PHIL: (nods in agreement)
DP: Where do you want to take your podcast?
PHIL: When we first started this, a live show was always my end goal. I think it would be great to take suggestions from an audience, and have a battle live in front of their eyes.
NICK: The moon.
What are your favorite 5 podcasts?
NICK: My Thing Can Beat Your Thing, Harmontown, Rooster Teeth, WTF, Three Angry Nerds
PHIL: Comedy Bang! Bang!, The Todd Glass Show, Stop Podcasting Yourself, Improv4Humans, Our Debut Album
DP: Where can people find you?
NICK: They can find me in my house drinking beer and playing video games in my underwear.
PHIL: A mental image as horrifying as it is sad. As far as the show goes, we are on Twitter, @ThingBeatsThing, if you’re looking for some real time engagement. You can email us, like Nick said previously, at email@example.com too.
NICK: We are working on getting a Facebook page up, but we don’t know how to work Facebook. Until then, you can listen on iTunes, Google, Stitcher, etc.
PHIL: And if you’re looking for something more of the website variety, we are part of the Three Angry Nerds Network, which you can learn more about at www.threeangrynerds.com.
NICK: Is that it?
PHIL: That’s it.